Journey (not the bad )

I've largely neglected this blog - its just been part of the process. It looks like I haven't posted in almost a year. In that time, I've planned a wedding, gotten married, and navigated the first 7 months of marriage without crashing and burning. Like I've said in the past two weeks, what a year its been.

Looking into 2011, there isn't so much going on yet - I'm still working where i was working, and little has changed about that - we're STILL at a loss as to how to find the right team member to complete the puzzle - how many frogs do we have to kiss... in all seriousness, we're number 13 or 14, i really have lost count...

So on a quiet, dreary Saturday morning, i'm taking time to look backwards -

The first year after mom died was hard - it was about surviving. I cried alot. I lost my mom, I lost my job, and in alot of ways, I lost my way. I couldn't hold it together very well, and I spent alot of time hiding under a rock. I went to more dead end interviews than i ever hope to admit to, and i lost alot of faith in myself in doing that. but, my nephew was born, I got a puppy, and i started a new job - but beyond that- it was a miserable, long, painful year.

The second year was about rebuilding. I had started a new job, and was getting back on my feet. I didn't always fall apart, and we all started learning out to stand on our own. I started to appreciate the time I had had with my family. Things at work were challenging, but I settled in and alot of good things happened. At the end of January, I got engaged, and started planning a wedding, something that in the years before, I wasn't even totally sure I'd even want.

As i begin to approach the end of year three, I think that this was the year of healing. I spent alot of long nights stressing over the details of my wedding, wishing I could share the day with my mom. And not to say the day wasn't hard in some way for everyone. My Uncle Wade was killed in a work related accident just two days before the wedding... It was hard to keep focus and direction in the home stretch as we all tried to grasp what to do. I mean - these things aren't supposed to happen. We all cried, at least a little, but it was truly the happiest day of my life. People commented about how I was SMILING, and that everything was beautiful. The months of hard work paid off. It was hot - like surface of the sun hot - and i was teriffied the cake, my guests, and my makeup were going to melt. But one of the more profound moments was the massive, violent thunderstorm that hit just after we left - Sometime much later, i heard teh song "Holes in the floor of heaven" and broke down, seeing a bit of symbolism in it all -

Year three also marks my start of doing photography seriously - I've been working with my sister/Nicole Vance Photography and now i'm starting to get some work on my own - i see major investments in equipment, but i'm so excited about the possibilities.

So what am i saying -

life is a journey, and on that journey, we are students. We learn, and live, and grow, whether we like it or not. The path is not always our chosing, but we can seer ourselves towards the horizon, and keep pushing on, and in the end, it is what it is - a journey.