so i'm getting married.. yeah... wow...

I've been sitting on this blog for two weeks... more than two weeks... I've been doing so much thinking, and wondering, and planning.

so i'm getting married... in what my countdown counter says is 16 weeks and 2 days. that's what i want. but its not easy - its so not easy.

The planning part is exciting. I'm thrilled at the idea of pretty flowers, and a yummy cake, and a white dress that brings tears to my eyes when i think about it.

but i'm trying so hard to take my time, and do this right. Its taken us almost 10 years to come to the right place where we are both ready, where we are able to do this. I probably could have pressured this into happening sooner, but it has been so important to me for us to come to this place, each on our own.

And I know that the past few years have changed a lot. But I've also learned a lot.

I've learned that time is precious, and its important to laugh, to tell jokes, and to make sure that you take things into perspective.

I've learned about being true to myself, and taking time to evaluate myself. To take stock in my life, and chose my path.

I've come to realize its about what makes me happy. And what makes me happy isn't always about how much is spent.

I guess maybe i'm just past the "Its MY DAY!!" phase of life. yes - it is OUR day, but its not just my day - its about what we want, and not about just about me. Its about celebrating us, about commemorating the first ten years together, and preparing for the rest of our lives. Its about not asking him to do things that he's not comfortable with.

So this is what it's about -

• its about standing in front of our closest friends and family, and not inviting people just because.
• Its about doing what we want, the way we want, where we want, because we want it this way.
• its not about the money - the way that we're not spending a bunch of money to impress, or to have "our day" because we realize that, in the end, we're just as married for $5,000 as $30,000...
• Its about setting the tone for the way we will continue handling things- being open about what we're doing, and discussing our options.

so its happening... and i'm so happy... it may not sound like it, but i'm soo happy.